A YEAR FROM NOW..

August 7th, 2008 by xmah

i got this from a friend, who senmt me a link of a vid. not that i could relate, it’s just sad. and i feel sad… thanks to thesis and school works that i don’t have to dwell on my feelings. after i’ve posted this, gone. ampf.

Complete and total adoration…

My gift to you, my heart was yours…

In 10 weeks you shaped it…

In 1 night you murdered it…

Torn from my chest and laid at your feet…

That 1st step you took was the worst.

Since them you walked 1000 miles in souse and short remark..

I still have these memories but we’ll never see what we could’ve been…

Remember when we talked about where we’d be a year from now?…

Remember when you held my hand like you’d never let it go?…

Remember… cause that’s all you can do…

We’ll never make another memory…

You’ll never make another memory…

I wish I would’ve died in your arms the last time we were together…

So I wouldn’t have to wake without you today…

This time I thought things were real…

You said they were… What happened?…

You were a priority… Was I an option?…

I let you see a side of me I don’t share with anyone…

Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled…

I knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart…

I’m sorry I wasn’t enough…

So we’ll go our own ways and hopefully you’ll remember the things I’ve told you…

Hopefully you’ll understand that everything I said was in sincerity…

A broken heart is not what I wanted from this but I guess I’ve learned from it…

But aren’t you supposed to learn from your mistakes?

I don’t consider this as a mistake…

I just wished the story didn’t end this way…

Cause I’m still in love with the person who helped me write it…

I love you…

I miss you…

Please come back to me…

YOU ARE GOOD :)

July 25th, 2008 by xmah

Where would I be
If You had not been by my side
How could I rise to meet
The morning of the day
Your tender mercy
Always calling from behind
At times I could not see You
Even though You were close by

Lord You are good
You are Good
And Your mercy forever endures
Lord You are good
You are good
And Your mercy forever endures

Help me to see Your loving kindness
Help me to see You as You are
Help me to see Your loving kindness
Help me to see You as You are
As You really really are

And Your mercy forever endures
And Your mercy forever endures

HERE WE ARE

July 25th, 2008 by xmah

Here we are lifting our hands to you
Here we are, giving you thanks for all you do
As we praise, and worship your holy name
You are here, dwelling within our praise

For every answer prayer
For always being there
For love that hears us when we call
For arms that lift us when we fall
Oh you have always been, right beside us
Leading us all along the way
And we made it through (we made it through)
Because of you 

For days we cannot see (for days we cannot see)
For all that yet to be (so much is yet to be)
The trials we may have to face
When we’ll be leaning on your grace
It will be your strength, that safe’s us
Your love that makes us strong
And through it all (through it all)
We’ll sing this song

I WILL SING…

July 25th, 2008 by xmah

“Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, though the labor of the olive may fail and the fields yield no food, though the flock be cut off from the fold and no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord and I will joy in the God of my Salvation..” Habakuk 3:17-17

Lord You seem so far away. A million miles or more it feels today.
And though I haven¡¦t lost my faith, I must confess right now that it¡¦s hard for me to pray.
But I don¡¦t know what to say and I don¡¦t know where to start.
But as you give the grace with all that¡¦s in my heart.

I will sing.
I will praise even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain.
I will sing. I will praise.
Lift my hands to honor You because Your word is true. I will sing.

Lord it’s hard for me to see all the thoughts and plans You have for me.
But I will put my trust in You. Lord will meet Your guide to set me free.
But I don¡¦t know what to say and I don¡¦t know where to start.
But as you give the grace with all that¡¦s in my heart.

I will sing.
I will praise even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain.
I will sing. I will praise.
Lift my hands to honor You because Your word is true. I will sing.

LMC bldg

February 20th, 2008 by xmah

thank God gawa na ang lift ng new building sa MC.
ala lang, kapagod kasi, imagine, 4th floor ang room ko sa Radio Prod and nung bago pa ang building, i had to take the stairs and take note, early class pa so  madalas late ako, so double rush.
short lang ito, just wanted to share. toxic week nh, been baking all night for our events.

and i am  suuuper thankful, tapos na ang radio spot namin. yes, "perfect recording" according to Sir Mcrae :D

location: Marikina, kat santos’ crib.

FEEL BAD

November 28th, 2007 by xmah

1. I super feel bad sa taong alam ko naman how he truly feel/felt about me, and still acts as if he feels the same way towards me. I super hate it when you make me feel good, but deep inside; I know everything’s a crap. I don’t like it when I share it with my friends and turns out you have feelings for me, or even worse, courting me. Lol. Stop it, please. People change, feelings change. Everything’s different now. Ts about time you prick that big balloon inside your head. Bang.

2. I feel bad for still having someone whom I don’t like being “part” of my life, yet is still there. I couldn’t say I don’t have a choice, I actually do have a choice, pero kasi…. I’ll also feel bad (ditching) leaving you behind, somehow, duh, may conscience naman ako nh. Pero maybe it would feel better than having you, sharing every responsibilities with you, coz you haven’t/never changed. And you give me headaches. Dang.

3. I feel bad for not going to the 20th Phil AdCongress. Now every time I see pictures of friends who’ve been there, I just wanna grab it and post them here as if I’ve been there. Now you’ve read this, I guess I couldn’t do it anymore… I am registered, alright, I just did not push it through. I chose to, I don’t have regrets. I just want the pictures!!!!!!!!!! :))

4. I feel bad that on my 21st (debut) birthday this year, my family wouldn’t be complete. It has not totally sink in yet, and when it does,.. I’m gonna cry… :(( plus, I’ll be the one who will be “sent away” to be with my sis, just the two of us in Singapore on my bday… well, okay narin na for me, knowing my sister wanted to, that’s a big part in making my decisions whether to fly or not to fly. I had plans pa naman, a BIG 21 cake with21 candles on it, (hindi yung numerical ah!) Balloons, party hats, order a piñata, clown (not necessary)… yuck, parang children’s party, kulang nalang si mcdo :)) seriously though, a big 21 cake with 21 candles will do, plus my family and friends. I mean FRIENDS, friends, not friends-friends. Labo. Mwahaha.

5. World Lit. After the walk out period, you gave us heart throbbing but not in a positive way. Hands cold, sweaty armpits, shaky feet… pero nabawi naman the next meeting. Nga lang, my brain’s still drained… if only… Oh, how I miss him. The person who made English and literature lovable for me. I MISS you.

6. I feel bad for… secret! :P sige na nga, a gist lang. disappointments. Imperfections. Flaws. Good friend. Hays.

7. I feel bad that I am becoming a different person from whom I know I really am. I mean there’s this other person in me, and I don’t like her. Truth be told, I don’t like my flaws to be embraced, I don’t want them there. Please, change me. Help me. From being exclusive (or maybe coz I’m in an exclusive school??), MEAN, not so sociable anymore, BITTER, not into many gatherings anymore… christma anne y amio, where are you? Or maybe this is for the better? Feeling ko I’m like chimpz nah—autistic. Joking. My bad. Lovelove you, dear MWAH. HUGS. KISS. Okay, enough.

DOUBLE DUHhh

October 29th, 2007 by xmah

it was yesterday.

i helped my sister out at the sunday school. she’s scheduled to teach the ALL SPARKS (kids aged between 8-9) and she had me as her assistant.

so we went up to 4th floor and there it was.

a whole bunch of kids.

i like kids, too. but not ALL :))

and so, we were in the room and there i saw young kids, talking, joking, PLAYING.. just having fun.

and then i thought "how is my sister going to manage these kids", they are all like very happeey :)) just so you know, my (elder) sis was the shy type, and she seldom teach the LIGHTERS (younger kids). she prefers them because they are easier to handle and they get pretty well with one another…

anyway, after my sister started talking about the topic, of being courageous and all that, they all started to listen dinn namann. but there was this one kid that really got my attention. (actually, there was two, but the other one REALLY got me.) she was very active and truly a chatterbox. she also liked to go outside the room too. they had an activity and they were asked to tear the page of the booklet. and then she asked again: "are we supposed to tear it off?" and I answered "YES." (because you weren’t listening that much.) then she replied: "DUH. DOUBLE DUH." and i was like: … (whatever. with a shadow, overhead :)) )

i told myself, kids nowadays watch too much tv and they learn a lot from it.

going back to this kid, she looks quite familiar though. i asked my sister for her name, her parent’s name :)) and sadly, she did not know.

after the service, we had to stay because my mom taught SFS3. and surprisingly, the "D" kid was also there.!. i went to her and asked:

mits: "do you remeber me?"

D kid:  "yes. you taught me earlier at class…"

mits: "no, aside from that?"

D kid: "nope."

mits: "what’s your name?"

D kid: "Abel."

… and so i knew it! i knew her. she was…

mits: "what’s your father’s name? your brother’s?"

D kid: "Cecil. Gabby."

mits: "don’t you remember me? i used to take care of you when you were younger." (technically, she was not one of which i had babysit then, i only had to hang out/take care of them (kids) when there is an adult thing happening as church activity)

D kid: "No."

and after a lot more of talking, reminiscing, i went out to get a soda. then SHE went after me and said: :))

D kid: "ate, can you go to my house and take care of me again?"

mits: shocked mode. "don’t you have classes?"

D kid: "yes i have. but sometimes when i get home, my kuya’s not yet there. pleeeeeease… come, talk to my mum…"

mits: "oh. i’ll have to think about it. you see, i won’t be staying long. i will be leaving soon…and practically, i have to do lotsa things at home, after the house transfer, etc…"

D kid: "pleeeeeeease…"

and i was like laughing and smiling. later, his brother came out. and i told him about it. he told me not to, but the little girl justy wouldn’t stop nagging.

D kid’s bro: "you found yourself a barbie huh?"

then and there i just had to say the "D" word. double "D" word :))

Favorite story: FOOT BALL GAME

September 30th, 2007 by xmah

(this almost made me cry, but what prevented me is my brother who is right beside me during the Sunday service!)

There was a skinny young boy who loved football with all his heart. Practice after practice, he eagerly gave everything he had. But being half the size of the boys, he got absolutely nowhere. At all the games this hopeful athlete sat on the bench and hardly ever played.

This teenager lived alone with his father, and the two of them had a very special relationship. Even though the son was always on the bench, his father was always in the stands cheering. He never missed a game.

This young man was still the smallest of the class when he entered high school. But his father continued to encourage him but also made it very clear that he did not have to play football if he didn’t want to. But the young man loved football and decided to hang in there.

He was determined to try his best at every practice, and perhaps he’d get to play when he became a senior. All through high school he never missed a practice nor a game but remained a bench-warmer all four years. His faithful father was always in the stands, always with words of encouragement for him.

When the young man went to college, he decided to try out for the football team as a "walk-on." Everyone was sure he could never make the cut, but he did. The coach admitted that he kept him on the roster because he always puts his heart and soul into every practice, and at the same time, provided the other members with the spirit and hustle they badly needed.

The news that he had survived the cut thrilled him so much that he rushed to the nearest phone and called his father. His father shared his excitement and was sent season tickets for all the college games.

This persistent young athlete never missed practice during his four years at college, but he never got to play in a game. It was the end of his senior football season, and as he trotted onto the practice field shortly before the big playoff game, the coach met him with a telegram. The young man read the telegram and he became deathly silent. Swallowing hard, he mumbled to the coach, "My father died this morning. Is it all right if I miss practice today?" The coach put his arm gently around his shoulder and said, "Take the rest of the week off, son. And don’t even plan to come back to the game on Saturday."

Saturday arrived, and the game was not going well. In the third quarter, when the team was ten points behind, a silent young man quietly slipped into the empty locker room and put on his football gear. As he ran onto the sidelines, the coach and his players were astounded to see their faithful teammate back so soon.

"Coach, please let me play. I’ve just got to play today," said the young man. The coach pretended not to hear him. There was no way he wanted his worst player in this close playoff game. But the young man persisted, and finally feeling sorry for the kid, the coach gave in.

"All right," he said. "You can go in."

Before long, the coach, the players and everyone in the stands could not believe their eyes. This little unknown, who had never played before was doing everything right. The opposing team could not stop him. He ran, blocked, and tackled like a star. His team began to triumph. The score was soon tied. In the closing seconds of the game, this kid caught a pass and ran all the way for the winning touchdown. The fans broke loose. His teammates hoisted him onto their shoulders. Such cheering you never heard.

Finally, after the stands had emptied and the team had showered and left the locker room, the coach noticed that this young man was sitting quietly in the corner all alone. The coach came to him and said, " Kid, I can’t believe it. You were fantastic! Tell me what got into you? How did you do it?

He looked at the coach, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Well, you knew my Dad died, but did you know that my Dad was blind?"

The young man swallowed hard and forced a smile, "Dad came to all my games, but today was the first time he could see me play, and I wanted to show him I could do it!"

Like the athlete’s father, GOD is always there cheering for us. He’s always reminding us to go on. He’s even offering us His hand for He knows what is best, and is willing to give us what we need and not simply what we want. God has never missed a single game. What a joy to know that life is meaningful if lived for the Highest. Live for Him for He’s watching us in the game of life. Amen.

Dear Oprah

August 27th, 2007 by xmah

This morning, while surfing the net, the tv was on for Oprah. then there was this familar song that i have heard from somewhere, which i thought was pleasing to the ear and has noticable lyrics. So i went near the tv and saw Susan Cagle as Oprah’s guest! A dream come true for Susan as she was invited by Oprah from NY ti Chicago to perform with live studio audience. Oprah called her a "real life cinderalla" because her life’s truly inspiring. anyway, here’s the lyrics of the song, under the album the subway recordings.

I am broken
Got a problem
And my world is crashing down
I’m writing with the hope that my letter will be found
Don’t expect you to read it
Probably got better things to do
I got no one to turn to
So I’m turning to you
I’m out on a ledge
I’m stepping to the edge
I’m at the end of my rope
You gotta give me some hope

Dear Oprah
You see I had to run away
Dear Oprah
And I ain’t got nowhere to stay
I hope ya
I hope ya never feel this way
Probably got your own stuff to deal with anyway

It’s shocking
What its come to
How my life is such a mess
How quickly you can loose it all
And I lost it I confess
Had a bad life, a bad home, and a messed up family
and I woke up one morning and got myself free

Dear Oprah
Have you ever felt like breaking down
When there ain’t no one who cares around
Were you feeling this way
Back in the day so blue
What did you do

Dear Oprah

And I’m writing a letter, yeah
And I’m feelin’ better, yeah

Dear Oprah
I hope ya never feel this way
Probably got your own stuff to deal with anyway
Guess I’ll turn the tv on and see what you’ve got to say
Dear Oprah

air. please.

August 8th, 2007 by xmah

i.can’t.breathe.

air. please.

too.much. popcorn.and. soda.for. dinner?

*deep sigh*

no.classes.tom.

great.relief.

exam.week.this.week.

cram.til.sat.

*breathe*